in other news, I painted my toenails today

You know what I really hate in Jeopardy!? The part in which Alex prompts the contestants into telling a "humourous" story about themselves. I don't want to LIKE these people. I don't want to know anything about them. I want to judge them on their looks and how much they screw up on answers I know the questions to!

Plus, I'm utterly disheartened because one of the contestants is an actor/bartender who looks about my father's age. And he's playing against the returning champion who looks about MY age.

This unemployment thing means, basically, that I watch way too much TV. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Jeopardy! has totally sold out! Since when are entire categories featuring clips from new television shows? I kinda wanna see the Tudors, but not this way. Those bastards.

I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes

In many ways, living in an apartment building feels like I'm back in residence. Except for the fact that I'm making no effort to get to know anyone on my floor, and there's no drunken parties in the halls.

I spent today doing such thrilling things as laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, and searching for jobs online. I actually applied to two bartending positions that wanted a photo sent with the resume. Might as well trade on my looks while I got 'em, I guess. I'd have to go on a major shopping spree for slutty clothes if I get one of them.

I still haven't managed to buy good double-sided tape, so my posters and I are in a perpetual battle. The one over my bed has only attacked me whilst sleeping once. And by the way, NICK, I happen to already own Starry Night in poster form, and it is my favourite van Gogh painting. No Marley, though. I'm more about over-exposed art than I am smoking pot.

slightly pathetic

I WOULD be severely demoralized that Ho Lee Chow has my name and address on record now if I wasn't aware that everything is computerized and networked these days; even so, I attempted to order online to avoid speaking to a human. I was thwarted by their evil time system and had to call it in anyway. I'm not one of those sad single ladies who order the same stuff from the same place every week YET. Give me some time.

Before you start judging me, let me just say that I am fighting off a murderous cold, and spent most of today being feverish on my couch. I managed to make myself some soup for lunch, but then I started thinking about how delicious the Chinese food that Toni, Jo and I ordered on the weekend was... and here we are. I try not to ignore my cravings when I'm either sick or pmsing, and lucky for me, it's both right now. Yaaaay!

Tragically, my cable has chosen now to short right out. I was following the troubleshooting instructions in my manual (who knew that they could actually be useful?), but it turns out that the creepy cable guy has a grip like a vise, and tightened the cables to the point that mere mortals cannot unscrew them. And since I don't feel up to talking to tech support, especially because I'll be forced to say things like, "ORDINARILY, my grip is quite strong... goddammit, can you just send a guy? A cute one? Wait... I look like shit. Anyone will do," I've chosen to instead watch Star Wars and mope for tonight.

If any of you were placing bets, I cracked yesterday and started looking at the classifieds. I'm not good at being unemployed and fancy free. It occurs to me that the whole acting career thing might cause problems in that department.

In other news, I got my first funky Queen West hair cut yesterday. The jury's still out; she thinned it A LOT. But I wanted a change, so I can't really complain. I mean, I WILL, but I shouldn't. And why would you go to a place called Coupe Bizarre if you weren't willing to go crazy broadway style?

I'll make the most of it; I'm an extraordinary machine

Here I am, blogging from the big city! I had a blast of a weekend. I got a little verklempt at work for my last shift; they got me flowers, a plush turtle and a card, and then got me REAL drunk. So I spent my actual birthday hungover and packing up the last of my shit, then unpacking, and then showing off my swinging pad to some friends. And now my life is complete; I again have the internet. The cable guy was entertaining in a slightly creepy way; some guys think that the best way to put a girl at ease is talk about how pretty her smile is. Thanks, random Rogers' employee... can you please just shut up and hook up my internet?

Big plans for today include grocery shopping and watching Corner Gas. Yaaay!

isn't it a pity that you won't kiss these rotten lips or take-me-home eyes?

So, crippling fear of the future is setting in. It's also taking the form of a relapse into depression over past regrets. Not cool, dude. I really can't stand myself when I'm in my own personal soap opera.

But, for Toni, who made me feel better, I link to this: some pictures of an adorable Asian baby.

I have one more shift on Friday (sort of two... it's a split) at work, and then I'm officially unemployed. And the very next day is my 24th birthday and my first day at my new place. I should be excited, and I AM, but I guess right now is the low point of my roller coaster of emotions. Also, I just plain don't want to sort through all this leftover crap in my room.

Oh, I was going to write this long confessional about why, precisely, I'm floundering in a spiral of low self-esteem (because I KNOW why, and the whole thing is just making me more depressed), but I don't have the energy any more. And once my mood picks up again, I'll be all, ugh, why on earth did I write and/or post that? So I'll save us all the trouble and just not do it.

My next post should be from my fantabulous new apartment, and with any luck I'll soon be having ADVENTURES to post about. I'm totally that girl now--moving to the big city on her own to try and make it. There will be NO coyote uglying. I think. I refused to watch that movie, so it may be that I'll be unequipped to avoid it.

a place isn't a home without at least two dictionaries

I was just clearing out my bookshelf in preparation for the move tomorrow, and meditating somewhat on what being the daughter of two English teachers has done to me. I have a somewhat cavalier attitude towards books; not in that I'd mistreat them--Toni can attest to the strictness of the no-dog-earing rule--but in that I take them entirely for granted. The amount of books I've actually purchased for myself has absolutely nothing on the sheer number of random tomes I've gradually absorbed from my parents' collections. I have at least two (probably three) concise dictionaries of phrase and fable, seven copies of The Tempest, an entire shelf's worth of King Arthur legends, collections of myths from the world over, and a startling amount of poetry anthologies. All it took, while I was growing up, was for me to express a mild interest in something, and Dad would go down to the basement, open a couple boxes, and, hey, presto! I would have a mini library. Any time I took a literature course in university, I ended up with a stack of critical histories. I've never cracked the covers of most of them, but now I find myself loathe to leave them behind. What if I NEED An Introduction to Haiku one day? You can't know that I won't!

it's possible I should have spent more of today actually packing

Kidnapped my beloved Jowie today and went off to sign my lease. The super seems like something of a space cadet, but after she left, Jo and I spent a happy hour assembling the various shelving and lighting units I purchased today. Tomorrow is the real move-in; it should be quite the entertaining day. My father and my brother are helping, and they don't always get along. Joining us for the event will be two of my more eccentric male friends, who have never met. By the time Jo joins us for pizza and unpackings at my new place, emotions should be in high gear.

But if it doesn't kill me, tomorrow will be getting a nod in my memoirs.

you will go to the moon; you'll probably be heading there soon

Mother is going through what Jo and I irreverently call "the change of life," which currently means that she is in a bad mood and baking cookies. This is bad because I can smell them, but I can't go near her because she's crazy. It's pretty rough chez moi, let me tell you.

But this place won't be chez MOI for long!

There's a new hostess at work. I've downgraded my opinion of her from "seems nice" to "dumb as a post." Luckily, I won't have to work with her much more. Speaking of which, my arch nemesis at work got his ass fired, and there was much rejoicing. Now I just need that pantry kid to get canned, and I can quit the field victoriously.

The best part about that guy being fired is that it was the stupidest way to go. He pretty much got the axe for being a dumbass. I mean, he wasn't good at his job, either, but that's not why he went. If there's one thing you gotta accept about working for corporations, it's that there is little to no room for irony. You have to at least pretend to take things seriously. He showed up high to his session of Turtle School and then mouthed off about how stupid everything was. I take my job seriously because it's my job, and they're paying me to, not because I care all that deeply about whether or not some asshole's steak is overdone. Plus, I have to say that I've been treated really well by the management, and I'm genuinely going to miss many aspects of working there.

Packing is hard, guys. Also, I own a ridiculous amount of books.

MOVING!!! EEEEEEEEE

Breaking news: I have successfully applied for an apartment! I handed in my notice, and I am MOVING TO THE BIG CITY! I am so excited and nervous and all-round crazy that I'm having trouble sitting still. Also, listening to the Fratellis makes me want to dance.

I settled on the Bloor and Sherbourne option, if any of you are keeping track and/or stalking me. I am overwhelmed by the amount of shit I will have to pack up over the next two weeks, but it is going to be beyond awesome to set up my place.

Scones and tea at my new bachelorette pad?

a day late, but full of love anyway

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Back in the 'Saugs. My mini-break was full of sleepings and loungings, and I even managed to read some Dickens. I pretty much saw the end coming a mile away, and he really looooves the long sentences, but other than that, I can reccomend A Tale of Two Cities as a solid read. Not something you can just skim--my fast reading skillz have left me with a tendency to tune out sometimes, confident that I'll pick up the gist--because you'll suddenly realize that he's gone off on some tangent, anthropormorphizing some concept, and you have no clue what he's talking about.

The Great Apartment Hunt continued today, and now I'm debating between two places. You could, if you wanted to be all art queery about it, characterize the two as separate sides of my psyche. One is really very rational; it's the cheapest AND the largest, and it's right beside a subway stop. The other one has character, but it'll be a bitch to move into, and is sliiiiightly on the sketchier side. Logically, I should go with the first. Emotionally, however... I'm a little in love with option number two. I mean, I'm shuddering at the thought of hauling my beloved double mattress up that narrow flight of stairs, but... once it's in there.... And there ARE logical pros to number two as well. It's two blocks away from the Eaton Centre, so it'd be ridiculously easy to find a restaurant to hire me. But even if I worked in that area, I could still live at place #1, because it is literally next door to a subway station.

Anyway, I'm going to sleep on it and dither, and hopefully fax in an application to the winner on Friday.

I was going to tell you the saga about me and my cousins' cats, but now I'm tired. It's been a very long day.

heading to... exotic Newmarket!

My vacation from TJ's began at the end of Turtle School yesterday; I have four days to go spend in Newmarket, driving my cousin around to her various extracurricular commitments whilst my aunt and uncle are on a cruise. It'll be nice to be out of the 'Saugs, and I'll pretty much just be lazing around, watching movies and napping in between my driving duties. Plus, who can argue with time away from work?

I'm not kidding about the Turtle School thing, by the way. I think it was cruel and unusual punishment to get me up on Saturday morning and put me in a small room full of people who were in various stages of drinking the corporate koolaid with NO COFFEE. I would have started a riot, but I was too tired. As many of you may know, I tend to act slightly inebriated when sleep-deprived; when called on to answer the question, "What makes you a good employee?" I slurred, "Sheer awesomeness." I feel like the corporate trainer was unimpressed, but my coworkers are used to me and my ways.

Well, showering and packing must occur. I may blog from Newmarket, I may not. We'll see how many terrible action movies my uncle owns.

alright, I'm finally sold on the Jimmy Swift Band

random thoughts as I'm squirrelled away in my room

I just walked into the bathroom and was immediately disoriented. It was clean, and I was not the agent of the cleanliness. I'd been making mental notes for the past week to passive-aggressively pressure my brother into manning up and doing it, but I kept forgetting. He unceremoniously dumped my various hair and cosmetic products into a bin, but I'm told men respond better to carrots rather than sticks, so I'm not going to say anything about it.

I'm bored, and I want something entertaining to happen. I briefly considered going to see a movie, but the only one that vaguely interests me is Children of Men, and it seems like too much effort to get myself to a theatre right now. Being bored sucks when you're lazy.

I've somehow acquired a set of regulars at work. I mean, there were regulars before who know me, but these ones ASK for me. The sketchy restaurant/bar that's been at the town centre for years has finally closed, so now we've got an influx of their former regulars. I guess they just like routine, and they're making me a part of their new one. The other night I had a pair of men who claimed that they make Bollywood movies and that I should be in the next one they make in Toronto. You meet the strangest people in my line of work. Even weirdos eat.

come on mood shift, shift back to good again

Good and bad news. My brother has extracted the hard drive from my old compy, so I can get my downloaded tuneskis off of it. The bad news is, I've somehow fucked up what I already had in my iTunes (it may MOSTLY be my fault, but I never claimed to be a genius), so I'm going to have to re-rip a bunch of cds--once I figure out which ones I deleted. So, go me.

Began the Great Apartment Search of 2007 on Tuesday. Fell a little in love with the Church-Wellesley area, so I think I'm going to focus there until I get my heart broken and have to settle for Bloor-Sherbourne, or somewhere else entirely.

I have had the most ridiculously bad week and a half at work. It was kicked off by a very expensive dine'n'dash, continued through an open/close split shift, and then we had the most insane lunch ever had at a TJ's. And that's just the bare bones of it. The full story would make you weep. I desperately need a vacation; I'm at the end of my rope, patience-wise, with customers and coworkers alike. There's this kid in the kitchen named Kyle who I am straight up going to kill, just for being as dumb as a post.

But I can't help but be excited about life a month from now.

aw hell, while I'm posting music videos... an amazing acoustic version of 'Hey Ya'

and one more... loves it

two Of Montreal music videos I am not getting sick of any time soon

I stared at this for a second, and then busted a gut

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

will you please stop doing that?

Alright, so every night since at least last Thursday, a middle-aged Asian couple has walked into the restaurant, bypassed the hostess stand, and gone to the booth that's tucked alllll the way in the back. Well, last night there was a raucous party going on at the tables in that area, so they picked a less inconvenient booth, but generally they'll head right on back there. When the closing server notices them (that section is usually closed by this point in the night, so no one would be put there purposely), she has to bring them menus and serve them. They order Rickard's Red by the pitcher, and one meal to split between them. And they always order another pitcher at last call. They sit on the same side of the booth, and what do you think they do once they've had a little food and a bunch of beer? THEY MAKE OUT. FOR HOURS. And yesterday, they went into the handicapped washroom together in the middle of their third and last pitcher. This, after all my work is done, and all I have to do before I can get out of my uniform and leave is clean and re-set their table.

I've been lucky in that two out of the three times I've had to serve them, they've left before 2 am. And unfortunately, they really seem to like me (I think I'm actually the least rude to them), so I feel bad about being filled with such intense despair and rage when I see them come in. We've tried practically everything to hint that they are inconveniencing everyone. I actually stood by the booth while they made out and swept the floor. We've cleared everything off the table. We've turned off all the televisions, the music, and even the lights. Oh no, they leave when they are good and ready, and not a moment before.

My major thing is, don't they have a HOME? I thought maybe they were cheating on their respective spouses, but since they've come in every single night... well, no one is THAT gullible. One night when I wasn't there, they got super drunk and banged the empty pitchers on the table. Last night, I was hanging out in the bar, and peering over the divide, hoping they'd left. When the table was finally empty, I literally ran around the corner yelling "YESS!!" and nearly bowled them over as they were exiting.

Tonight's my last close until Monday, and if there is a higher power looking out for me, they'll go to Shoeless Joe's instead.