can't wait for someone to call me in public

I've been doing some extensive research on men (and by extensive, I mean reading Cosmo articles that purport to contain breaking news on the subject), and apparently, they don't pick up on hints. Is this true? Like, really true, not like, "stereotypically, men walk around in sex- and sports-induced stupors unless you beat them over the head with a two-by-four that has your message engraved on it, and then read it to them." Not that I'm technically unwilling to perform similar acts of violence, it just seems like a lot of work to get a 2x4 engraved.

Of course, I've often been told I'm hard to read, so maybe the hints I give are just so cunningly crafted that no one can pick up on them at all. Perhaps I should start using total bluntness. "Hi there. You sir, are one fine piece of ass, and I, for one, would like to take off your pants and make you a man."

But I just don't think I've cultivated the kind of personality that would allow me to get away with saying that sort of thing. Plus, I have a deep-seated fear of vulnerability and intimacy. And my inscrutability is part of my charm.

I settled on a new ring tone after a long period of dithering. From "Good Vibrations" by the Beach Boys, I've now moved on to "It's Not Unusual" by Tom Jones. Just to give you some idea of my general criteria when it comes to these things, I had the Muppet Show theme on my first phone. I almost went with a Backstreet Boys song, just for the irony, but since I'm of the appropriate age to have been a rabid fan back in the day, I was worried that people wouldn't understand the hilarity factor. And then I was tempted by songs I actually listen to regularly, but since I got freaked out whenever I heard "Good Vibrations" playing anywhere, I decided it was best to stick with something less popular. But no less amazing. So there you have it, Tom Jones.