I've been thinking quite a bit about egos lately. A friend of mine said something in passing (on his MySpace page, no less... but I don't want to digress into the irony) about blogging about your day to day life and thoughts being narcissistic. And then there's the sharp blow to my sense of self worth (re: that boy problem) that I received recently. The thing is, I know I'm vain, and I probably put a greater value on my own thoughts and talents than everyone else does, but I like to think that the fact that I KNOW that helps me keep it in check. If I'm wrong, please don't tell me about it quite yet--I'm feeling a little fragile today, so let's postpone the discussion of my various faults until another time.
The thing is, though, my particular blend of ego and insecurity makes me flip rapidly between thinking that he's just hesitating because he's missing the cues that I think I'm practically shouting (because who wouldn't go for fabulous me, of course), and feeling completely rejected for being crazy/fat/slutty/boring/hideous/socially inept. You see? I make no sense.
To digress momentarily, this new Blogger beta thing lets you put labels on your posts, and on the function it says "e.g. scooters, vacation, fall." Scooters? What? And while I'm digressing, I cannot stop grooving to the Scissor Sisters' "I Don't Feel Like Dancing." Seriously. Grooooving. It lightens my mood considerably.
And we'll throw it back to our field reporter in the wilds of Susan's brain. Actually, you know what? To hell with that. I'm going to go shower instead, and I'll continue my meditations on egos another time.
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