I started skimming the classifieds in the Star today, to get some idea of what I should be looking for in the Grand Apartment Hunt of 2007. Here's the thing: huh? I have a vague grasp of Toronto's geography, and an only slightly better idea of where I want to live (near transit, where I can find close bartending/serving work, and not sketchy). I think I'm going to need to sit down with a map and/or just wander around Toronto and get a better feel for things. I would love to find an affordable bachelor apartment, but that's probably a pipe dream. And I'd probably turn into some kind of random hermit if I didn't have roommates anyway.
My best friend from elementary school called yesterday, and we had a long spiel. We only talk about four times a year, really, but we try to keep each other up to date on the general vagaries of our lives. She's starting to talk about long-term goals, which is freaking me right the hell out. Marriage? Kids? Own business? I still have trouble dressing myself in the morning. She's been with the same guy for five years, and the reason they're not already engaged is a religion issue. I guess I can see that being a deal-breaker, but my thing is... FIVE YEARS? I have severe ADD when it comes to relationships. I'm pretty sure I'd be a terrible mother due to my extreme self-centeredness. I just plain do not understand her life. Not that I have the best grasp of my own, but... you know?
Does it mean that I'm a bad person if I'm automatically suspicious of people who claim that motherhood is fulfilling and self-actualizing? I tend to think of it as the end of your life, in a very real sense.
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It's interesting you mention that. One of my top theories on life involves the having of the kids.
Look at it this way, we all ask: what is the meaning of life, right? Well, look how complicated everything is, and how different things are for different people all over the world.
So, then, logically, we must take things down to the basics. Look at what we ALL have in common, what we had in common with every human in the history off humanity: the ability to procreate.
There's one thing we're all physically DESIGNED to do...impregnate or be impregnated. No matter how smart, stupid, rich, poor, ugly or hot we are, we all have a built-in machine that makes babies. It's part of who we are, and in fact, it's the peak of our physical development as humans.
Becoming fertile is literally the last "thing" your body genetically "learns" to do before it never learns anything else again. And on top of this, we even have unstoppable URGES toward the act that leads to kids. We're literally walking around looking at ads, watching TV living in a society where much of the media is simply based on the thing we do that we're designed to want because it allows us to fulfill our biology. We want to nail each other because we're SUPPOSED to nail each other to keep the species going.
So for these reasons alone, I DEFINITELY see having a kid (at some point) as a way to actualize the self--and actualize the body.
And is it not said that what you do to the body, you do to the mind? Therefore, there's no way to fake the kinds of real emotions that come with realizing your existence's ultimate biological goal.
Uh...I guess I'm done.
Okay, I grant that we all have the machinery and the biological impulse to procreate--but individually, PERSONALLY, I feel like I'd resent the hell out of being pregnant, having to give birth, and then being stuck with a kid. I like kids fine, and I'm pretty sure I'd love my own child--but feeling fulfilled as a human after having popped one out doesn't seem to necessarily follow. I'd be angry about the changes to my body and lifestyle. Perhaps that sounds immature, but I think I'd rather not get knocked up in order to find out for sure how I'll feel about my spawn. Maybe in a few years I'll feel differently, but I just can't wrap my head around people my age thinking, "Yes, now, I am ready." I haven't lived enough yet to give life over to someone else.
Anyway, if having the kids is the self-actualization, what's next? You don't get MORE self-actualized, so... I'm right, it's the end of your life's struggle for self-actualization--hence, the end of your life in a very real sense. Uhh... what did I just prove? Maybe both of our points.
You see, Susan? YOu did indeed just prove all of the points surrounding the entire worldwide issue of child birth.
Someone with your calibre of wisdom MUST pass it along for the good of the future!
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