there's a man assigned to me / he checks on my stability

I don't know why I bother talking or listening to myself. I'm not very nice. I mean, besides my tendency towards being melodramatic, sometimes I'm straight up mean. Sometimes I wish I had voices other than my own in my head, just for a change of pace. And I mutter to myself on the street anyway; it'd be nice to have an excuse.

Bombing auditions always makes me talk to myself even more than normal. And I'm stuck with myself until Toni and Jo come down. I'm actually considering calling my mother; that's how desperate life can become in the span of an hour and a half.

Hey, do you even know if you're delusional? No, right? Is it possible to be completely deluded about one part of your life, and no other? But I guess someone would have to say something eventually, so if I were sitting here saying, "Fuck so and so. I'm not delusional! So and so's delusional!" that'd probably mean something. And no one's said anything so far. Unless I deluded myself right out of having heard it.

I read this thing somewhere about physical deformities being the most frightening for humans in the medieval times. Leprosy and all that. But now it's mental illness that's scariest. It has to do with needing physical prowess to survive then, and mental acuity for now. I started watching ER again a couple weeks ago, and one of the characters just got horribly maimed. I actually gasped when they finally revealed the extent of his injuries. I can't think what would be worse. Either way, systems you've depended on for years have just suddenly gone haywire and will never be quite right again.

Re: the ER thing... I only saw the last three episodes, and I'm suddenly a Neela and Ray 'shipper. This romantic streak I have hasn't died yet, dammit.

Speaking of season enders, I downloaded the song from the end of the Scrubs finale, and now I've ended up with Say Anything's entire album. New love!