I had to look for a vein... REAL HARD

The bruise on my arm has turned bright purple, prompting concerned questions. I think some people just suspect that I'm a closet heroin addict. The unfortunate fact is that having given blood is much less interesting. I was going to try and convince my tables that I needed bigger tips to fund my next fix, but since the general manager hates me this week for some reason, I decided against it. Is it MY fault she has no sense of humour?

GM: I make my own garlic bread. Just a little olive oil, minced garlic, and cracked pepper.

ME: And bread, right?

GM: Yes, otherwise it's.... I don't like you anymore.

She also got mad when Sarah and I staged a chase scene around the restaurant (which was hardly MY fault, because SHE was chasing ME), and took umbrage when I told Dave (one of the kitchen managers) he should shut the hell up. She just doesn't get the idea of banter. It sure does put a damper on my work day.

Speaking of work, apparently someone has a crush on me. Here is proof positive that I think too much: if I ask one of two girls I work with, they'll tell me who it is (according to the source who told me that said crush exists). HOWEVER, then the ball will be in my court, provided I don't have anything against whoever it is. And if I DO have something against this person, or even if I'm merely ambivalent, or just not interested enough to risk a workplace romance, there will be hurt feelings because I don't reciprocate, and he'll find out that I know. I HATE having the ball in my court. You get that ball and keep it! I'm much too indecisive to have it. Also, I just don't know if I have the energy for a workplace fling. The last one trainwrecked. Also, I'm not that close with either of the two girls who know about it. C'est un tragedie.

I have now successfully broken most of the glasses I bought from Ikea for my apartment. I bought them partially to spite my mother (is it bad that several of the things I bought for this place were bought for that reason?). I think I've managed to break all of them by dropping them in the sink, stone cold sober. Luckily, the deliciousness of POM Tea has enabled me to stock up on glassware of approximately the same size.

PS: I now believe the knife was used for pizza, in case you were concerned for my safety.