Who comes to a place that has a cartoon turtle (wearing a backwards baseball cap and holding a mug of beer, if you were wondering) as its mascot, and then gives the waitstaff attitude because we don't have filet mignon? Also, I am 99% sure that the hair he claimed to have found in his salad belonged to his companion. It was pink and long, and guess who had fading red highlights? You're right, she did. And no one on our staff does.
Sunday night is crazies night. I had a mini-rush an hour before we closed, which was super not fun. My new pet peeve is the couples who use one person as their spokesperson. And I don't mean in the sense that they've discussed their order and one person tells me the whole thing. I mean that I have had many "conversations" that go like this:
A: And he'll have coleslaw with that.
ME: I'm afraid we're out of coleslaw.
A (to B): They're out of coleslaw.
B (to A): No coleslaw?!? Salad then.
ME: Garden, caesar, or Greek?
A (to B): Garden, caesar, or Greek?
B (to A): Caesar.
A (to ME): Caesar.
And so on and so forth, ad nauseum. Usually the B in the equation won't even look at me. Everything is relayed through A. If I do manage to get B to respond to a direct question, it is invariably accompanied by an appalled or dirty look, as though I am breaking some sort of code. I had at least three sets of these types last night.
I hate looking at a table and knowing they're going to be assholes, and then being proved right.
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2 comments:
It sounds like you're actually dealing with Jason Sudekis and Kristen Wiig as the Two A-Holes on Saturday Night Live.
For example (from the "Two A-Holes Buying a Christmas Tree" sketch):
Male A-Hole: Yeah, we want to get a tree. What kind you got?
Tree Salesman: I've got lots of different kinds, my man. What kind you looking for?
Male A-Hole: What kind of tree you want, babe?
Female A-Hole: I don't care.
Male A-Hole: We don't care.
Tree Salesman: Okay, well.. we've got Douglas firs, they're very popular.
Male A-Hole: What do you think, babe?
Female A-Hole: About what?
Male A-Hole: The tree.
Female A-Hole: [ bored ] The what?
Male A-Hole: The tree.
Female A-Hole: Do you guys have hot chocolate?
Male A-Hole: Do you guys got hot chocolate?
Tree Salesman: Uh.. no.
Male A-Hole: They don't, babe.
It's a lot more amusing when they do it on TV than it is in real life, I bet.
Yes, YES! That's exactly it. How do these people actually exist in real life? You should have to pass a basic humanity test to be able to go out in public.
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